When I was 19, I fell in love with my best friend at school. Things just started happening between us. At that time, I couldn't identify as a lesbian, mostly because my homophobia was internalized. There was a part of me that thought the relationship wasn't "normal" and so, I was sure things between us would end one day and we would both be married to good Christian guys. At that time, I had just received Jesus into my life, thanks to her, as well as many other good Christian people that God placed in my path who had prayed for me. However, before I got the chance to grow any further, my ex and I gradually stopped attending church and cell group since we thought we were doing something "wrong" that God would disapprove of. We spent 5 years of our lives together and 2 of those years were in Australia --- the best two years of my life. We decided then that we would break up once we returned to Singapore, and we did. But we remained very close emotionally to each other. Soon after we broke up, we started dating guys but I wasn't really connecting with my guy as much as she was with hers.
Through a lesbian friend's blog, I managed to log onto an online dating portal, Fridae, and met my second partner there. It was then I began to come out to myself. It was through her that I started on my journey to reconcile what it means to be gay and Christian. Our journey together later took us to Free Community Church, Singapore's only inclusive church. It was there I found the space to worship God authentically, just as I am. That space was helpful to me as it allowed me to be grounded in that security that indeed, God loves me for who I am. After I came to terms with who I was, my relationship with God grew exponentially. I began to find the joy and the heart in serving and in meeting people who were in the same shoes as I was. My rationale since then has always been this: it's better to be close to God and let him work out your issues with you, rather than avoiding him just because you think being gay is wrong.
God is still working with me on my journey. Although I can say now that I believe it's possible to be gay and Christian, there certainly is "baggage" from before that comes up once in a while, and it sometimes makes me wonder if I am wrong. That's where I appreciate fellow comrades who have gone ahead of me and their lives have been a blessing to me. Through all of these, I can truly say I have grown as a Christian and as a person."