One of the many wonderful things about being in a same-sex relationship is that there are no set rules. Unbeknownst to each other, both of us have been planning to propose to the other during this trip. This week, on the beautiful island of Boracay in the Philippines, we both said ‘yes.’

Jenni’s Story

Lisa had once mentioned that if she got married, she would want to use her grandfather’s ring. So when I decided that after two years together (not to mention making the decision to leave our jobs and homes to travel the world for a year) I was ready to make a life commitment, I drove down to San Jose to talk to Lisa’s family and get the ring.

For the past two and half months, I’ve kept this ring clipped, zipped and duct-taped into the inside of my purse as we travel on the other side of the world. Knowing how much Lisa’s family means to her, I asked our good friends Krista and Gilda to make a video with messages from all of Lisa’s extended family at home. Once the video was ready, it was just a matter of figuring out the right time and place.

Lisa’s mom was born in the Philippines, so I decided that the Philippines would be the most meaningful place to her. However, I had one problem. My original plan was to propose to her by writing a song to her with my guitar, but I had no guitar and no clue how to procure one. We were already half way through our Philippines itinerary and I was about to give up my original songwriting plans when we ended up in Mactan, Cebu – an overrated tourist town that isn’t all that spectacular except for the one serendipitous fact that it is famous for producing and exporting guitars. So, I purchased a guitar and worked on my song any chance that I got out of earshot from Lisa.

Our last destination in the Philippines was Boracay, and with its turquoise ocean and incredible white sand beach, I decided that this was the time to go for it. I convinced Lisa to go on a sunset walk, and after some protest from her (“I really don’t want to go on a hike, can we just sit on those beach chairs?”), I found a secluded spot on the far end of the beach for us to sit down.

Surprisingly, I wasn’t all that nervous once we sat down. It felt natural, like all the many other times we’ve sat down on beaches back in California together and I’ve strummed random songs while Lisa read a magazine (usually Oprah or People, what a girl!). Only this was the first time I had written a song for her, which included incredibly poetic Grammy-worthy lines like “you add the lime and salt to life’s margarita, you bring the salsa into my tortilla” and ended with a promise to “be by your side for the rest of my life” and the question “now’s my turn to ask, won’t you be my wife?”

After months of hearing that I wasn’t ready to get married (my attempt to throw her off track), Lisa was totally shocked when I pulled out her grandpa’s ring and asked her to marry me. She was so shocked that I had to sing the song twice in order to get her to say yes. Then, she told me that she too had been planning to propose to me and had gone so far as to get the ring. When we returned back to our hotel, Lisa got on one knee and proposed to me with her mother’s ring which is absolutely beautiful. Of course I said yes.

Lisa’s Story

I’ve been holding the diamond ring in my backpack the past two months. Staying in budget hostels in the developing world, I would nervously check everyday to make sure the cleaning lady hadn’t stolen it. I would also jump to push Jenni aside anytime she wanted to grab something from my bag. I couldn’t wait to propose to Jenni. I talked to my sister a month before we left on our trip, and we agreed that it would be special for Jenni to have our mother’s ring. I also confided in my buddy Krista about my upcoming plans.

I had almost popped the question the night before our launch party in San Francisco. I planned for us to walk on the beach in our neighborhood, then have dinner at the picturesque Cliff House restaurant, and then stay in a hotel downtown. But my sister, knowing that Jenni had other plans, tried to dissuade me by telling me that it would be better to do it after we started our trip. My plan ultimately went down the toilet when, on the day I was going to propose, Jenni was in a complete frenzy with the planning of our launch party and refused to go on a walk with me. So, I lost the money on the hotel room and decided I would wait until her birthday in Bali.

Only one problem…Jenni had started to suspect that I was going to propose on her birthday and she told me that she wasn’t ready to get engaged and that I should hold off. Talk about heartache! I called my sister at home sadly telling her how disappointed I felt. I knew Jenni was worth any wait, but I was confused as to why she wasn’t ready. I immediately thought about sending the ring home so that it would be safe.

So, the first reaction that I had when Jenni popped the question to me on the beach was shock – Shocked that my commitment-phobic partner had been planning this proposal since the beginning of the year. When she sang me the song and got to the line about being her wife, all I could say was “Really?” Once I realized that Jenni was being serious, I said ‘yes’ with a huge smile especially since I knew I had an additional surprise for her with my ring.

After our proposals, we watched the video that Krista had made with messages from my family. We laughed out loud watching my sister and Krista give a play-by-play account of our separate plans to propose. I cried when my extended family gave many heartfelt wishes and welcomed Jenni into the family.

I couldn’t be happier, not only because Jenni said ‘yes’ but also because we have another ten months of honeymooning together. I look forward to returning to California to celebrate with everyone, and I’m hopeful that the time will come soon when our marriage can be legally recognized at home.

This entry by Jenni was first posted on September 4, 2011. Read the other parts of their story here. 

Jenni and Lisa have been together for 3 years and they traveled the world for a year in search of gay people who are creating change for the LGBTQ community. Their project, Out and Around: Stories of a Not-So-Straight Journey is a collection of their conversations with these "Supergays" around the world.

Find out more at www.outandaround.com

This was first posted by Pink Dot Sg at pinkdot.sg on 26 June 2012.

The words “some day” resonate with many people of my generation. They were the final words of the refrain from the song “We Shall Overcome” which marked the civil rights movement of America in the 1960’s and ‘70s. As a wide-eyed freshman in the US I attended student rallies and demonstrations, and I still recall the poignant, hopeful idealism of many young people, black and white, as they sang, arms linked and waiting for that “some day”.

For my parents’ generation, “some day” was a longing for a future when they would control their own destinies free from colonial masters; for freedom from poverty, hunger, illiteracy. The PAP when it came to power delivered on all its promises – and more – and “some day” became today. Basic civil rights – equality of gender, race, and religion – became such a reality that for most of our younger generation, “some day” as an expression of hope, has little meaning since they have not had need to hope. Not having to yearn for a distant and perhaps unreachable future is a blessing our prosperity and security has given to younger people today.

But there is still a group of ordinary Singaporeans, of different races, religion, and gender, for whom “some day” remains elusive, distant, and yet fervently yearned for.

These are the people whose identities have become marginalized at worst and unclear at best, because of their sexual orientation. Once labeled pejoratively “homosexual”, then “gay”, and now for the politically correct — LGBT ( lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender ) – men and women who happen to love and desire others of their same gender, have yet to become just ordinary people in the eyes of society as they pursue their love lives. Worse, sex between males remains a criminal activity – though the government has declared that it will not enforce the law.

The rationale for not simply decriminalizing Section 377A is presumably the social conservatism of the very religious Singaporeans – whether Christian, Muslim, or Hindu. Whether there will indeed be a groundswell of anger if Section 377A is repealed or not, I do not know. We still do not have polls which can accurately survey public opinion. As to whether public opinion should even be the basis for discrimination against people is another matter altogether.

In some other societies, not being of the majority race or religion was reason enough to be an outcast – itself the start of the slippery slope to legal and institutionalized discrimination.Thankfully, in Singapore we have embraced diversity as the foundation of our social cohesion, so it is unimaginable to us that people of a different race or religion can be legally discriminated against. How then do we justify the discrimination of people with a different sexual orientation?

I still recall when as a child, I was scolded and discriminated against in school because I was left-handed. My teacher thankfully, made a cursory attempt to make me right-handed, then gave up and accepted my deviancy. Today, being left-handed is so normal that no one even gives it a second thought.

The point is, as societies mature and progress, what was previously considered deviant behavior generally becomes part of a larger “normal”. This is after all, the vision behind an inclusive society. Inclusive across different religions and races, and yes, even between people of different sexual orientation.

The Government has recently created the vision of an inclusive society as the basis of its programs. This is a very timely and relevant vision: during decades of impressive economic growth, segments of Singapore society have not enjoyed the fruits of development as others. But diversity and inclusiveness is not just about income levels.

Nor is it just about tolerance. Instead, it is recognizing that not only should we be tolerant of those who are different from us, but indeed, that having a high level of diversity is a more positive assurance of creative continuation than unrelenting homogeneity.

It is about celebrating, as we do in the culture of Singapore Management University and Banyan Tree group, the very differences in our colleagues and stakeholders, which makes us stronger.

Long ago, my left-handedness made me a deviant in school. Today, our society accepts LGBT people as part of our social fabric. Perhaps gay love will even be decriminalized. Some day ….

Ho Kwon Ping is Executive Chairman of Banyan Tree Holdings, and Chairman of Singapore Management University (SMU).  In 2011, he was voted top Thinker in Singapore in the Yahoo! Singapore 9 Awards, a testament to his business innovations and leadership in civic causes. 

To LGBT friends:

Just accept
the fact that
we are a minority
we are different from most people
we are often stigmatised and marginalised
and cannot really be ourselves
in ignorant and bigoted societies

Just accept
the fact that
we need to hide our sexuality sometimes
to protect ourselves from persecution

Just accept
the fact that
we often need to put in more effort
to help people understand and accept us

Just accept
the fact that
we have less choices
in finding our significant other

To straight people:

Just accept
the fact that
not all people are born to be straight
nobody chooses to be gay

Just accept
the fact that
LGBT rights are human rights too
affirming LGBT rights
will only benefit humankind as a whole

Just accept
the fact that
not all religious sects
are against gay people

To LGBT friends:

Just believe that
accepting ourselves for who we are
will only help us live a better life

Just believe that
there will be more and more
people with the right knowledge of sexuality
in this world
as time goes by

Just believe that
things will be better
in the future
though
we might not have the chance to see it
in our lifetime

我是Pauline的好朋友Cheryl。7年前Pauline帮我的先生安排日本旅游时我们相识成为朋友。那时候的我是一个没有自信和一直被忧郁困扰着的人。

Pauline跟我不同，性格属于开朗及乐观派，直率而没有脾气，待人处事很 "free and easy"。通过Pauline我认识了她的好朋友Joan而我们三人也渐渐地成为深交。在我需要倾诉对象的时候，她们两人总会耐心地聆听，帮我解答人生 及信仰方面种种的疑问，让我认识父神，且介绍了一位很好的医生来医治我的忧郁症。

当Pauline向我倾诉，告诉我关于这个网页以及她是同性恋者的时候，我一点也不讶异。当时我跟她说她将永远都是我的朋友而当她需要倾诉对象的时候我定会在她身边。阅读完了Pauline的故事过后，我深深地被感动了。我一直以为Pauline有一个美满的家庭而且常常笑容满面。这么多年来我一直不知道 Pauline竟独自挣扎与痛苦而无法让人知道。

而现在Pauline在这样一个公开的平台上分享她的经历，让我为她感到万分的骄傲！我相信还有很多人像Pauline以往一样躲在黑暗里独自挣扎。我希望透过我们的故事，那些彷徨无助而无人倾诉的读者们能得到希望与力量。

Pauline继续努力吧！我们都是上帝的子女而身为你的好朋友我将像你的家人一样永远支持你！继续把你的欢乐带给大家！加油哦！

I am Pauline’s friend, Cheryl. We met 7 years ago when she first helped my husband and I to organize a trip to Japan. At that time, I was a person lacking in confidence and I had been struggling with depression for many years.

Unlike me, Pauline is the positive and optimistic type --- open, honest and even-tempered with a “free and easy” attitude. She introduced her good friend, Joan, to me and the three of us became close friends over the years. As our friendship grew, I started asking them a lot of questions about life, spirituality, God etc and they not only helped me to know God, they were there to listen when I needed someone to confide in. They introduced a wonderful doctor who has been a big help to me in my recovery from depression.

When Pauline first told me about this website and that she’s gay, I wasn’t shocked or surprised. I told her she’ll always be my friend and I am here for her anytime she needed someone to talk to. When I read her story, it touched me deeply. I always thought she had a great family and she seems happy most of the time. I didn’t know that she had been in pain and struggling alone for so long and felt like she couldn’t tell anyone about it.

But now, I’m so proud of her for sharing her story on such a public platform. I’m sure there are a lot of people who are still hiding in darkness and struggling alone. I hope our stories will bring strength and encouragement to those who feel helpless and alone and have no one to talk to.

Pauline, strive on with this! We are all God’s children. As your friend, I will always support you, just like your family does. Continue to share your joy with others! Gambatte ne!